The beginning of a New Year always brings hope and determination of new starts or resolutions as some call them. Most are broken within minutes, hours or days but in my case, I no longer have a choice if life is a choice and my determination has to show through and the resolutions have to win because you see the resolution is actually the inner voice of me trying to break free from the mind demons and garbage that disrupts and pushes it deeper inside. This inner voice needs to speak and come forward again, it needs to be me, break free of the chains. This is going to be a tough year trying to do this and I know I am going to fail but I can only hope on this day that those fails don’t win, that the soft spoken voice continues to speak and gets stronger. For me right now I can only do this with the help of my God. Over 10 years ago when my life changed in a blink of an eye and I was challenged with my invisible illness, a great loss that I suffered was that of being able to attend church. For me church had too many triggers, the incense, the volume of the organ, the crowds, etc. I tried and tried again but after awhile I had to let it go but I never let God go from my heart. Even though I questioned him and why I have to suffer so, I never gave up my belief. To this day when I pass my church, I feel a longing inside, I can hear the music, the hymns, feel the blessings and love of the service but I have learned you don’t need church to be faithful or to have God in your life. You can have God in your heart whenever you want. So this year to help renew my spirit I have turned to a daily devotional book, “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young. When I purchased the book, I told the cashier that I heard good things about this book and she told me she was told “this book speaks to you”. This clicked in my heart and gave me a boost of determination that I needed and I looked forward to today to start. The first line of today’s read told me all I needed to know that God just wants me to reach out to him with an open heart and he will help to guide me, that I shouldn’t be afraid. So starting today, I will be listening more to the softer voices inside, the ones with the better reasoning and I will not be afraid to move forward. How about you?
migraine musings 