How much more can my life get messed up? Years of severe migraine pain with limited to no relief. Then found a major trigger along with getting my first Botox treatment and I actually felt slightly human again. Only to fall back into severe migraine pain when insurance and money came into play for future treatments. I gave up on everything, stopped all my medications giving up on life and began to exist. Life changed once again and insurance had a major overhaul with great benefits. I got back to my physician, got back on medications and got set up for Botox. My injections were in July and the weather was then against me for any immediate relief. But over the last two to three weeks I have been feeling better pain and migraine wise. Now one would think that you would be jumping up and down rejoicing. But instead I’m walking on eggshells. I’m just waiting for the pain to start instead of enjoying the days that I have. I still have such chronic fatigue that I am still unable to enjoy the break. Then my mind clicks in. It reviews my life, my ups, my downs and tricks me into darkness. Instead of coming up from the darkness with feeling better and less pain, the darkness creeps closer. With relief I realize more what I have missed, what I am unable to do. How messed up can this be? Why can’t I just enjoy the low pain days and do what I am able to do? Why does the darkness fall and the light go further away? Messed up is all I can say. Messed up.
migraine musings 