2-28-17 A mind at war

How do you live in a body which is constantly at war with itself? A mind constantly fighting against itself. How do you manage to stay in control when you know what is right but you cannot function to bring yourself to allow it to happen? After years of being told what you do isn’t correct, being second guessed at every decision you make, being brought down to feel like you aren’t functioning properly you lose control of your own mind. The voices in your head take over and their goal is to confuse you. When a Negative Nancy comes into your life and brings you down at every chance they can get, they bring along their friends to rearrange your thoughts and motivation. Anxiety Annie moves in and you are constantly looking over your shoulder wondering what will come next. Hateful Helga joins and she turns your heart to stone without you even realizing. You know it isn’t right and you fight against these terrible emotions but the years of comments and remarks have finally taken their toll. Your ability to go past it to bring out your Positive Polly, Calmness Caroline and Loving Lisa have been surpassed. You know you are not responsible for having Nancy, Annie and Helga so prevalent in your life. You have done everything in your power to deny them the right to be part of you. Slowly but surely after constant remarks relating to your abilities which are fine Sally Self Esteem has hidden herself away. She no longer wants to be in the forefront. She has been broken down and cannot deal. Each night you recharge her like you would your cell phone pushing Nancy, Annie and Helga down but as the day slips by and your mind plays it’s own games with you, Polly, Caroline and Lisa no longer feel they can exist. It’s a daily fight, a war not to be won without tragedy and pain. Your heart knows what is right and tries to outweigh the brain but somehow it never wins. So you take it day by day, recharging yourself over night. Doing whatever you can to bring your attributes to the forefront. You want to win the war. Just some days the battle fatigue runs into the next. Time is it on your side like the song or is it against you? Only time will tell.

7-19-15 Fear and Anxiety who doesn’t have them

Today’s message from God talks about fear and anxiety and dealing with them.  God tells us to bring our fears and anxiety to him.  That we should not hide them from him that if we do, the evil one will feed on this and work this against us making our fear and anxiety even greater.  Instead God wants us to talk with him about our fear and anxiety and to let him help us to work through them.  Trusting God with this, will bring more light into our lives and the fear will loose it’s grasp on us because God’s hand hold will be stronger.  I needed this message more than anything today after my mini vacation which turned out to be sad and anxiety ridden days for me.  Instead of focusing on my time with my spouse and working on us together, I focused on all the fears and anxiety I had between us, therefore, letting them grow stronger in my mind and ruining the time I had planned in my head for us to relax and have fun.  I took that fun and worried it away and where did it get me?  Sad and depressed, deeper into depression about something I have no control over and clouded over in fear.  I need to give that fear and anxiety over to God, holding his hand tightly.